Be My Sanity
by ilovemycandy
Summary: It has been a month since the quarter quell; and I, Katness Everdeen, am slowly losing my mind. I think I have been caught by the capitol. I think there are others here as well. I expected them to kill me. But that would be too much to hope for. Rated M for dark themes,possible sexual content and trigger warning. Joniss Fic.
In my whole entire existence, I have never felt safe. Well no, there was a time in my life where I felt secure. But I was much younger than; you might even say 'innocent', or as close to innocent as I could ever be. But that all changed. In the blink of the eye, a single heartbeat I became an adult. Fully dependent on myself, and, let's not kid ourselves, I had two other dependents as well. I was never again in a position to be wholly safe ever again.

One minute I am at school, safe. The next … Sirens, blaring, people screaming for loved ones. Some never getting an answer. I know I didn't. My father never made it out of the mine shaft. My mother had a breakdown. I… I never really grieved. I had a little sister and mother to take care of.

I still have nightmares about that day. Though, now they are not the only ones I have...

I twist my wrist slightly and don't even bother wincing as blood pouring down my arms. I suppose being chained up , bound, unable to move much at all and blindfolded, does nothing for my sense of security.

I can feel the cold ground under my knees. I lean further into the wall behind me as my hand twitches. My wrists have long since gone numb. I think my mind has as well. My first few days here …. Or weeks was it? I don't know. But I remember struggling. I remember yelling. I remember panicking. I remember seeing things that I am pretty sure now, was not real. Or maybe they were. I don't know. I don't care.

I tried fighting … I swear I did. I tried getting out, but I know now that it is not possible.

My head fell sluggishly to the side and felt my stomach clench as the stench of my own urine hit my nose. It has gotten stronger. I think. Its funny, what you miss when you have been away… from home, from society. I suppose everyone is different. For me, every day is different. Sometimes I miss people, my family, my weapon... Today though, today... right now I miss the smells. The oily mines, the grassy wilderness, even the smells of the hob. The meat like aromas of Greasy Sae's cooking.

My stomach gives a jolt. I think I would have been puking my guts out had I had anything substantial in my stomach. Ok so thinking about food is not a good idea… Noted.

"No!, No! Fuck off!

I squeezed my eyes shut as a throbbing in the back of my head shot forward. There are others here. Or at least one other. I hear her voice often. Another tortured soul. It sounds so familiar. I tried to figure out who it was the first time I heard her screams. But I … got distracted…

I mean It is hard enough remembering my own name, my life. I have to remind myself often. I am Katniss Everdeen. I'm from district 12. I just want this misery to end. I want to die.

My senses pick up a bit. I hear mumbling just outside my compartment. I consider turning my head to the nose but decided it was not worth the energy. Instead I simply listen. I hear a creak as the door to my cell opened and the hard thump of feet hitting the ground. I can tell they are moving closer to me.

I feel rough hands grab at the side of my head.I jerk slightly but feel the blindfold being pulled off and away from my eyes anyway. The bright lights blind me and makes my head throb even more. I blinked and waited for my eyes to adjust. It took a lifetime for the blurriness to disappear. For the white light to clear.

Slowly my eyes were finally able to take in the site of the man in front of me. The grey hairs, the wrinkles, the white clothing from head to toe. Romulus Thread... His cold eyes staring right at me. Disgustingly looking at my naked form. Though I should not be disgusted. I should be used to this. Not long after being brought here, completely unconscious, I was removed of all my belongings. My dignity along with them.

"Hello Miss Everdeen."

I don't respond and am rewarded with a backhand to the face. Unfortunately I don't have the energy … the nutrition to stay upright. I fall to ground and just lay there still confined unable to push myself up.

"Tsk, tsk you stupid girl. still don't know where your place is. Show respect ." He runs his fingers along my face. "And maybe you will get ...something in return."

Romulus's finger trail down my neck and quickly and roughly grabs the back of my neck drawing me closer. I try pulling away only to be grabbed under my chin by his other hand.

I could see that this put him slightly off balance and then he made a much bigger mistake. His face came closer. Only an inch away now. I clutched at all the strength left in me and smashed my head into his nose. I wrench a bit as a huge wave of dizziness runs through my head.

Ok, maybe it was my mistake than.

"Ug. You stupid bitch! You will pay for that!"

Romulus quickly wipes his face with his sleeves, smearing blood over his face and staining his sleeves. He fiercely grabbed my chin again with his bloody hand pulling me up toward him again. I gagged as the smell of stale cigarettes and alcohol reached my nostrils. Blackness starts to swell at the corner of my eyes.

I don't think I could feel more nauseous than I do right now.

"Romulus that's enough for now."

I scrunch my nose in discussed. I stand corrected.

"But Pres-"

"Romulus may I have a moment with Miss Everdeen we have much to discuss."

Romulus's eyes went from cold to coldly furious. He turns to glare at me and leans close to my ear. I swear I can feel the vile creeping up my throat again. I hope I can manage to bring something up. Right into this bastards face

No such luck. Thread breaths into my ear. "You will pay later. Much much worse than that boyfriend of yours did."

I can feel my body freeze and grow cold, or Peeta here too? Is he even still alive.

My thoughts are stopped by the familiar scent of blood and roses that I have learned to hate...and honestly fear. I was so out of it that I did not even realize just how close this monster had gotten to me. He was kneeling right in front of me.

"Hello Miss Everdeen. You have been a guest here at the capital for … what? A month now I believe". President Snow asked.

My mouth goes dry. A month.. That explains a lot.

I lick my chapped lips my voice cracking as I tried speaking.

"Wh- " I swallow and try once more "what do you want?" Not quite the bluster I was hoping for.

President snow lips widened. His teeth stained red. Has this asshole been eating people? Maybe I am just going crazy. I don't know.

My head throbs again.

"See Miss Everdeen ever since the 74th Hunger Games you have caused me a great deal of trouble"

I looked up at him in confusion, what is is he talking about? The last thing I remembered I was running through woods with Johanna….Jo.. I immediately look at snow and ask.

"Where is she?! Where is Johanna?!" I choke out.

Snow smiled again "Miss Everdeen… Miss Mason is currently occupied. She is being … interviewed ,shall we say. We think she knows more than she is letting on."

"What do you mean what does she know! Know about what?!"

My voice is starting to get ragged the anxiousness is killing me, what have they been doing to Johanna. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks It was her I have been hearing. The screaming was not just any woman it was Johanna Mason.

"What have you done?" I whisper and look him they eye.

"What needed to be done miss Everdeen. You see we appreciate and prefer cooperation. However, Miss Mason has been denying us the information we need.

I feel sick. I am physically and mentally exhausted. All the possible scenarios they may have put Johanna through are running through my head.

What have they done to Johanna? Oh and Peeta. What are they going to do with me? What about my family. Prim. Where is she?

I breath deeply as I try to stem the crushing feeling that has been progressively pushing at my brain. I stop immediately as that putrid mixture of blood and roses hit my nostrils again.

I can't do this right now. Everything goes black and I barely feel the floor collide with me as I pass out.


End file.
